By Rudolf Okonkwo
At this hour in Nnobi, family and friends are gathering to commit the body of Ezinne Mabel Nchekwube Ukaegbu (Nee: Agudosi) to Mother Earth.
Since her passing early this month, I have had reasons to ponder this life — what matters and the trivialities we often confuse as a mahogany tree.
I am mourning because Aunty Mabel was not just my aunt. She was my godmother.
The first and only time I slept in Onitsha was at her house. I have always remembered that.
Just like every death, her passing is an opportunity for those of us who know her and those of us who are still living, to use our tongues to count our teeth.
The question we should ask ourselves today, tomorrow, and every blessed day we see is, “If today is my end, did I run a good race?”
In every ramification, we can answer this question ourselves. We can also deceive ourselves perfectly. I worry we have become so sophisticated that we believe our lies. We convince ourselves that we have done our best when we have not scratched the surface of what we can do.
We do this because we have mastered turning ourselves into victims. It is the most convenient alibi we have. It gives us excuses that make us feel good. Anything that will make our responsibility to ourselves and each other disappear, we embrace.
Funny enough, we discover that the more we diminish our commitment to others, the more it directly and indirectly diminishes our responsibility to ourselves. That is why a wise man said, “When the premise of an argument is wrong, the conclusion is also wrong.”
We swear to ourselves, beat our hearts, that our conclusions are correct. It is so clear in our eyes. Meanwhile, as a start, the premise of our argument needs to be corrected.
The good news is that the judgment will be swift. It doesn’t matter how big we are in our corner of the world. The question would not be one we think. It won’t be “When I was sick, did you help me? When I was hungry, did you feed me? When I had no clothes over my body, did you offer me some?”
Those questions are basic and straightforward. Most of us can list how we offered to help and feed people in need.
The simple question will be, “Shebi, I told you not to bring any offering and thanksgiving to me if you are quarreling with your brothers or sisters. Didn’t I ask you to leave all your gifts, harvests, goats, and dollars by the door and go first and settle with your brothers or sisters before you come to give anything to me?”
Billy Cosby said that he would be happy to die before his wife because if his wife got to heaven before him, after she had told Angel Gabriel about him, he wouldn’t have any chance of making it into heaven.
Bearing witness to the life we lived won’t be something we will do for ourselves. Just as our spouses and children and people we have interacted with in this world will bear character witness for us here on earth, so it shall be in heaven and beyond.
One last thing: there is this wrong perception that caring is about giving money. It is perhaps the most misconstrued notion in this modern age. The most precious gift we can give to anyone is our time. It is one commodity, one resource that is in short supply today. Anyone who provides time has given something more premium than money.
Beyond money and time, anyone can provide so many other resources. People may not appreciate them, but they count. Knowledge, for instance, is a resource that is more valuable, though least appreciated. The proper knowledge, if impacted, can generate money and time. That we don’t clamor for knowledge does not mean it is not supreme.
Knowledge comes from more than formal education. Informal education gives an array of valuable knowledge.
The mantra that “if you think education is expensive, try ignorance,” says it all.
We are now adults. When our parents were our age, they were very conscious of their responsibilities, not just to their nuclear families, but to the next and next extended families.
In case we do not know, our time is all but gone. What is ahead of us is what legacies we leave for our children, grandchildren, and extended families. A wise man once said that the society we abuse today will take its revenge on our children. The umunna, umunne, and ikwu-na-ibe we abuse today will take their revenge on our children.
Of course, we can tell ourselves we don’t care. After all, we won’t be there when it is happening. But guess what? We will watch it wherever in the Great Beyond we are. How will you feel watching the video of your family in disarray from heaven? Will it provide you with comfort? Will it endear you to the saints? Will they give you awards and leadership positions after the mess you left behind on earth?
How do we sleep at night knowing that we have failed to manage the micro units that we inherited and yet aspire to manage the macro unit given to us? Every one of us must answer these questions ourselves.
“I did my best” will not be a good enough answer. No matter how much sacrifice we think we have made, there is always more to make.
Jesus, who most of us claim to follow, could have said, “Guess what? I have talked to these people, preached sermons on the mountain, and fed the multitude with only five loaves of bread I had. I have turned water into wine. I have healed the sick. I have raised the dead. But these knuckleheads did not listen to me. They did not change their behaviors one bit. They are still wicked, quick to anger, unforgiving, full of ego, and pursuing trifles. I am taking off, back to heaven. My daddy, please send that chariot that took Elijah to heaven. I am through with these stupid people.
But Jesus didn’t. He gave more. Jesus went through a series of abuses and mockeries for you. He even gave his life.
What again did you say you accomplished for your family? And the extended family? What? Compare and contrast.
That is the standard, folks. When you have done that, you can beat your chest and say, “I tried.”
May the soul of Aunty Mabel and the souls of all who departed to the other side receive eternal rest.
If we know better, we owe it to ourselves and to humanity to do better. If we decide to be strong-headed, today it is Aunty Mabel. Tomorrow, it may be me or you.
What will your report card say? You may not show it to us, but the principal must give it to you.
Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo teaches Post-Colonial African History, Afrodiasporan Literature, and African Folktales at the School of Visual Arts in New York City. He is also the host of Dr. Damages Show. His books include “This American Life Sef” and “Children of a Retired God,” among others. His upcoming book is called “Why I’m Disappointed in Jesus.”
