By Rudolf Okonkwo
Just before I started reading Ibrahim Babangida’s autobiography, I recall the last speech I wrote for him. I don’t remember whether I sent it to him or whether I published it. I only remember writing it at the tail end of Olusegun Obasanjo’s administration when Babangida’s supporters pushed him to run for president. Enjoy.
Fellow compatriots, we gathered here today because Nigeria made a passionate call. Nigeria called for a tested leader with a good understanding of the complex nature of our polity, the variant nature of our terrain, and the promises of our diverse people.
I was born in Minna, Niger State of Nigeria, during the Second World War. Growing up, I gained values seen in middle-ground Nigeria between the fantastic emirates of the North and the great empires of the South. I adopted the principle of keeping the center stable by balancing things -“a little to the right and a little to the left.”
When I was a young man, I fought for this nation. I excelled in armored weapons. I displayed my fury during the civil war that threatened to tear our beloved country apart. On battlefield after battlefield, I showed my mantle. I crushed every force in front of me with animal brutality. Like all wars, I did things ugly and inhumane. But during the war, I also had the decency to look for things beautiful in those who were our enemies. That was how I saw Mary King. Like a victor whose wish is the command of the vanquished, I married her. I have done my utmost best to heal Maryam’s pain over the last 35 years of our marriage. As president, I promise to do the same for the hurting people of Nigeria.
Maryam and I have two sons, Mohammed and Aminu. Mohammed and Aminu have grown up as fine gentlemen of excellent character and grace. I hope that one day, as the Bushes did, my sons, too, will serve this nation of ours. We also have two daughters, Aisha and Halima. Those of you who were lucky to attend Aisha’s modest wedding know that my children are my exceptional jewelry. I sleep and wake up thinking about them and how to make sure they do not go to bed hungry. That is how, as president, I will care for Nigeria.
I wish my parents were alive to see me today. They would have been proud of me. They would have seen that the values they taught me – kindness, un-wiliness, and honesty have paid off.
I have a track record of loyalty, courage, and patriotism. In the annals of Nigerian history, my record is unsurpassed.
I single-handedly disarmed Lt. Col. B. S. Dimka on February 13, 1976, after he killed our beloved Head of State, General Murtala Muhammed. My critics said I played it safe. They said I betrayed my friend and created a situation where I would benefit, irrespective of which side triumphed. The truth is that I saved our dear country from ultimate destruction. I finished Major Gideon Orkar and his Middle Belt gang on April 22, 1990. I specialized in destroying foolish revolutionaries like him. I am better prepared to dismantle irritants like the OPC, MASSOB, and all the little ants making some noise down the Niger Delta. I flattened Zamani Lekwot. I can handle all these self-described militia leaders. If we have to reenact the crash of Hercules C130, we shall do so. If we have to deploy a letter bomb again, you bet we will. We must do anything within our power to protect and preserve Nigeria’s corporate integrity. To keep Nigeria one is a task that is not negotiable. And that is why I thank Obasanjo so much for keeping that solemn promise over the last eight years.
People say I should apologize for June 12, but what better apology is there than Olusegun Obasanjo? I worked very hard to make him the president. I picked him up from prison, dusted him, and placed him on a white horse. I ordered my boys to guard him as he rode to Aso Rock. It was my majestic way of saying I was sorry. Sorry that, as a general, I yielded. Evil forces surrounded me days before June 12, 1993, and I gave way for the first time in my career. I would have sacrificed myself to stop the troops if that would have sufficed. But upon careful examination, I came to the sad conclusion that the sacrifice of myself would have plunged our country into a second civil war. This war would have nailed Nigeria’s coffin. I did so, realizing I would be back to finish the job I began in 1985.
So tonight, confident in where I came from, inspired by the lessons of yesterday, I humbly accept the nomination for president by the greatest political party in Africa, the People’s Democratic Party. I promise you that the groovy days are coming back.
My first act as president will be to give the Grand Commander of the Federal Republic award to my good friend, Prof. Omo Omoruyi. Except for those days of the June 12 agitation, when he got confused and switched from a specialist to a madman, he has been a faithful friend since I met him in 1980 at the Nigerian Institute of Policy and Strategic Studies, Kuru. Amongst all my friends in all these years, he was the only one I did not meet all his needs. He desperately pleaded for a merit award, but I did not find the time to give him one. Having left his prestigious post at Harvard, having stopped trading punches with small boys on the Internet, and having come home to help me finish the task of perfecting Nigeria, he deserves our praise.
I also want to thank other faithful friends like General Adisa, Chief Alex Akinyele, David Mark, Bode George, Wada Nas, John Shagaya, Wole Soyinka, Clement Akpamgbo, Arthur Nzeribe, Arthur Eze, and many other friends who have kept the faith. They kept their faith despite the barrage of assaults I was receiving from misguided elements in our society. They honorably call themselves Babangida boys. Akinyele even vowed to die for me. What else could one ask for in a friend? Like these honorable friends of mine, I, too, kept my faith in Nigeria. I bore the indignity. I swallowed the insults. I knew that at the right time, I would return to redeem my name and restore our nation’s lost glory. To my detractors, I say, be afraid. Be terrified, for IBB is on the way.
As we march on to the future, let’s not forget the marvelous accomplishments we achieved in the past. Let us resolve to build from the spot we stopped.
No government in the history of this nation has made more people millionaires than my previous administration. You name any leading political or business figure in Nigeria today, and if they are honest, they will tell you that my government made them. That is why everyone loves me from East to West and North to South. I am coming back to do more of the same. If you believe in me, you, too, will be a beneficiary.
I am a wealthy man, for those who may not know. My interest in serving is just for the common good. I want to finish what I could not finish the last time. Remember our goals: clean water for all by the year 2000; electricity for all by the year 2000; telephone for all by the year 2000; education for all by the year 2000; States and Local Government Areas for all by the year 2000, etc. Tonight, I pledge to fulfill all that and even more in the next four years. I will put computers in every classroom in Nigeria. I will give every Nigerian an actual phone, not these money-burning gadgets called Cellular Phones. At every doorstep in Nigeria, I will drop a microwave. I will connect all Nigerian homes, from Sokoto to Port Harcourt to the World Wide Web. I want every Nigerian at home to read those abuses despondent Nigerians abroad heap on their illustrious leaders at home.
And if I hear enough applause, I will throw in a toaster, too.
Ignore the rhetoric of my opponents. Never forget the good things I made sure happened when I was president. During my tenure, my good friend, Wole Soyinka, won the Nobel Prize for Literature, and from him, I got the idea of madmen and specialists. Obafemi Awolowo joined his ancestors and made room for Obasanjo to take Yoruba politics to the mainstream. Emeka Anyaoku became the Commonwealth’s Secretary General, and Nigeria effectively reintegrated the Igbo into its national life. Dele Giwa joined the exalted list of his profession’s casualties, leading to the rapid multiplication of the media. Also, Sheik Abubakar Gumi died, taking with him Sharia and the fear of a non-Muslim ruling Nigeria.
My parents, Aisha and Muhammad Babangida taught me to wield big sticks and carry bags of carrots. When I was president, I defended human rights and fought for democracy. I came in and freed political prisoners. I donated money to ASUU, NLC, NANS, PMAN, NBA, NFA, and other civic organizations. My government was the most generous ever. In fact, I understood that at one point, Nigerians called me Mr. Donatus. I am proud of what I did to support civic societies in their effort to better our country. But like the lessons my parents taught, when the civic societies became a butt in my behind, I banned them. I have no apologies for that. I will do the same when I become president. For me, you are for us or against us. And when you are for us, I am generous and grateful. When you are against us, I treat you like enemy combatants. Those in doubt should ask Maman Vatsa.
For those concerned about past policies that caused us all pain, rest assured: we will not repeat them. There will be no structural adjustment program anymore because there are no more structures to be adjusted. There will be no Zango-Kataf riots because I have taken Zango to Plateau State and Kataf to Kano State. There will be no removal of oil subsidies because the Americans will now remove and refine the oil. Our government will have nothing to do with that dirty work. Our sole task will be to collect the money and spend it.
People often ask me why I signed up for Nigeria as a member of the Organization of Islamic Countries (OIC). Let me use this opportunity to answer this raging question for the first time. I signed Nigeria as a member of the Organization of Islamic Countries as proof for those who thought my commitment to Islam was suspect. These people were apprehensive that marrying a famished girl from the South, who ran after a future wide-tooth general in the heat of a brutal war, diluted my Islam. I satisfied them, and they inducted me into the exclusive club called “The Establishment.” That is what democracy is all about–give and take.
The economic outlook of Nigeria today is gloomy. As president, I will once again set our economy in motion. I will send out a battalion of young men and women and ask them to go there and conquer the world. The men shall reach every nook and cranny of the globe by email. The women will find their way to the streets of Italy, Frankfurt, London, and Moscow. I will once again liberate and invigorate the economic environment. I will open its doors to those who never had the opportunity. I foresee an oil windfall on the horizon. Who better to handle this coming boom than the man who judiciously managed the Gulf War windfall?
Rest assured, the end of wasteful days is coming soon. To all your troubled friends, tell them IBB is on the way. The man who gave you People’s Bank will bring you People’s Money. The man whose wife brought you a Better Life for Rural Women (BLRW), his sons shall bring you Full Employment for Urban Youths (FEUY). For my fellow countrymen and women choked by poverty, my daughter, Aisha, shall Yank Out Poverty Yoke (YOPY) from your necks.
Whatever are the ills that besiege our fatherland, whatever are the obstacles that cripple you, tonight, I say to you, IBB is on his way. IBB shall console you. IBB shall wipe away your tears. IBB shall lift you and place you on a high pedestal where there will be no more sorrow.
My fellow citizens, look into my eyes, and you see the messiah is on his way.
Thank you for listening. May God bless you and bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo teaches Post-Colonial African History, Afrodiasporic Literature, and African Folktales at the School of Visual Arts in New York City. He is also the host of Dr. Damages Show. His books include “This American Life Sef” and “Children of a Retired God.” among others. His upcoming book is called “Why I’m Disappointed in Jesus.”
