By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu
Zik disappeared inside a bottle and then reappeared before daring Mammywater to do what he had done if she had the powers!
Mammywater went into the bottle, laughing, and Zik instantly corked the bottle.
The news broke like tropical thunderclap: Zik of Africa is dead!
The announced death of Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe, Nigeria’s first President & C-in-C, was like the falling of an elephant.
I hereby recall the words of the iconic poet Christopher Okigbo in “Hurrah for Thunder” thusly: “Alas! The elephant has fallen -/Hurrah for thunder -/But already the hunters are talking about pumpkins:/If they share the meat let them remember thunder.”
The hunter-politicians were instantly all over the elephantine body of Zik, claiming special portions and ideal parts.
One of the politicos said he was by Zik’s bedside in the hospital at the point of death, and Zik raised his hand and said: “My political son, I’m handing the baton over to you. Keep the flag flying high!”
Then the father of the nation breathed his last and became an ancestor.
The bewilderment all over the land was overwhelming.
But in my quiet corner, I did not believe that the Great Zik could die just like that, after all I am what they call “Onitsha-Brought-Up” aka OBU.
I grew up in Onitsha and had it imbued in my system messages and vistas of the impossible death of Zik of Africa.
In a word, we Obus believed that Zik’s death was impossicant – a new word that must perforce be added to the English dictionary.
How can everybody be yakking about the death of Zik – mba! – Zik that the demonic Mammywater of the River Niger could not kill?
It’s on record that when the Niger Bridge was about to be built Mammywater was killing all the white and black engineers, thereby refusing the bridge to hang atop the River Niger.
Then Zik appeared and confronted Mammywater in a life-and-death challenge.
Zik disappeared inside a bottle and then reappeared before daring Mammywater to do what he had done if she had the powers!
Mammywater went into the bottle, laughing, and Zik instantly corked the bottle.
It was a terrible struggle for Mammywater to get out of the bottle, and Zik spoke: “A corked bottle has no mekwatarism!”
Mammywater died inside the corked bottle, and the imposing Niger Bridge was built, but that is not the end of the story.
The white men were envious of Zik and wanted to kill him by putting poison inside his corked wine-bottle at the celebration party that followed after the killing of Mammywater and the erection of Niger Bridge.
Zik just passed his magic right forefinger atop the poisoned wine-bottle and the bottle broke to pieces before he said: “A broken bottle has no mekwatarism!”
So with these feats of Zik I could not just buy the story that the great man died just like that without a mekwataristic sensation.
I had to put on my garb as a crack investigative journalist to uncover all the angles of the alleged death of Zik.
I discovered that the news of Zik’s death started from a newspaper that flashed the dodgy headline: “Is Zik Dead?”
The leading political heavy weights of the day did not waste time at all to conclude that the reputable newspaper would not have put out the report if the great man had not kicked the bucket.
I had to beam my investigation searchlight on one society magazine in Lagos Island where politicos began to gather with force.
The publisher of the magazine, Ralph, who had served as a House of Reps member in the Second Republic, managed to get a call through to one of Zik’s acolytes, RBK, to confirm the story.
Due to the difficulty in those days to get NITEL telephone calls across, it was difficult reaching Zik’s home at Onuiyi Haven, Nsukka.
The gathered politicians did not want to be caught napping as to being the last to show grief at the passing of Zik.
The politicians decided instantly to compile a burial committee that must be made ready for announcement during the 9pm NTA News.
There was the drive to the home of Zik’s lifelong associate, Chief Adeniran Ogunsanya, at Godwin Okigbo Street in Surulere to get a confirmation of the story.
The ever genial Ogunsanya entertained the visitors with drinks while working the phones to get contact with the home of Zik, his eternal friend.
Contact was also made with Chief Duro Onabule who was the then Military President Ibrahim Babangida’s Chief Press Secretary at Dodan Baracks, and he only gave a cryptic reply.
The NTA broke the news with aplomb that Zik had died, and “the station for the nation” started reading Zik’s obituary adulations and whatnot.
The political wordsmith KO, of “KO is OK” fame, who was Zik’s sparring partner did not dither before crafting a moving condolence message.
Meantime, the editor of the society magazine, Nkanu, was sent with Zik’s driver who had come earlier to Lagos to repair a vehicle, to drive to NTA to hand over the names of the members of the burial committee.
Nkanu swooned and almost died as the driver sped past Eko Bridge at the speed of 160km per hour.
At NTA, Nkanu met with the news editor, Don, and the newscaster, Sienne – and the burial committee list was accommodated in the newscast.
Trust me your rugged investigative reporter, I covered all the corners.
It was a startled Zik who sat in his sitting room at Onuiyi Haven watching the NTA broadcast live the news of his death.
A man of Fabian temperance, Zik did not go into any rush or panic – he listened to the newscast with all the equanimity he could muster, given the circumstances.
Then Zik picked up the phone and called his great friend Adeniran Ogunsanya, stating quite clearly in his sonorous voice that he was not talking as a ghost!
As we say in Naija: “Alarm don blow!”
Let’s just end this story by calling it the day the Great Zik died and astonished Nigeria and the world!
